wordsimageslife
an exploration of life as a parent & designer

Blogging in a Mall

Okay, so it's actually Starbucks and the 'mall' isn't in the suburbs but right downtown. They don't even call it a mall but 'The Gallery.' In any case, here I am. I should be at the office but I left my ID at home and decided coffee first, then back home to get my ID and then back to work. It's a holiday week and there's not a lot to do, so the laissez faire attitude works for now.

As I see it, there's some catching up to do here. I recovered from my little bout with spinning rooms and can tell you that 2 mg of Valium doesn't do much to me. Certainly helped with the spinning but that was about it. Xmas was good. The kids got the gifts they asked Santa for, including Liam's surprise request for a helicopter. The favorites, as far as play time, have to be Liam's Thomas the Train tracks and Izzy's Barbie Princess and Pauper dolls. Liam has great interest in the Pauper doll but I think it's mainly because of the song she sings. That, or he just likes pretty girls, real or not. Liam also got the car from The Incredibles and loves his dinosaur book. Izzy also got a Talk-a-Lot CareBear which she enjoys and she was really excited about her Snow White dress-up. (She now has, I believe, all the Princess dress-ups except for Jasmine from Alladin). Karen got her down comforter and her other gifts are on the way. I was going to pick them up on Friday and ended up instead in the ER. My best gift, besides giving to my family, was the Apple Airport Express which allows me to play the music from my laptop on our stereo speakers in the family room. And that is just too cool for a gadget freak like me. We spent Xmas afternoon playing and then went to K's brother's house for a holiday get-together. It was fun and it was good to see everyone. They live in Damascus which is a suburb about fifteen miles (I think) north of DC.

On the job front, I left my portfolio with a firm in Chelsea (23rd and 5th) and we shall see. The best part of it so far was it was the catalyst for me to really rethink my samples and finally put a little money into my book and put everything on boards. The brochures and invites which were once presented loose are now in plastic sleeves mounted on boards. Each board has a 3.75“.x9” slip of paper (card stock) that briefly explains the problem and solution. The portfolio looks great in my mind and hopefully in the mind of potential employers.

I keep playing the New York thing out in my mind. From a career point of view it would be an excellent move if I get an offer in the price range I'm looking at. But the real question is, as before, is the price worth the cost of less time with Karen and the kids. If it's just for the short-term, with the end plan being a job and family moving-up there, or my coming back here after a year or two with the New York experience on my resume, is it really worth it?

Family is important but so is our long-term financial stability. I don't feel like we have enough in savings and other investments, and I'd rather risk a short-time away to build stability, if that's what it takes. I can be back here in just a couple of hours or so, especially for the kid's school events, etc. Amtrak does offer a monthly rail pass so if really necessary I could commute every day. And maybe get home early enough to see the kids before they go to sleep. Especially since it's not cheap in NY. Whatever the pay, the total combination of cost of living, rent, quality of life, etc.... would have to be far greater than anything I could get here to make it worth the effort. Reality at this point is that it's just a portfolio sitting on someone's desk and nothing more. Decisions can be figured out later, once an offer is made or not made. I certainly can't let geography limit my search.

While I'm on this long-winded post, I might as well mention my review. There were no surprises and actually things were pretty much as I thought they would be. It's funny how management won't admit that their own choices may have been bad or that the situations I was placed in as a manager were impossible situations for almost any manager. What I found most amusing was our MD's (Managing Director) admission that the designer I was made to work with wasn't a very good designer. Yet, despite my original comments and concerns to that very point, no one ever admitted that the designer was not a good choice and was better fitted for the role of a production person under my management. Our very conflicts, beyond the old manager being in the same office and his impeding my ability to manage, were based on this very issue. Where was the support when I really needed it? (Rhetorical question).

It makes me angry to think about this. I did speak-up only to feel as if I was the one with the problem and that I was wrong or doing a poor job. (Of course now I know for a fact that wasn't the case which I may have to bring up in my review of my review). Really at this point, I have nothing to lose in being honest. I'm vested and I'm ready to move on. So, why bother? I'd really only be doing it for myself and it's not going to win me any points. But I do feel like I need to do and say things, because they are the right things to point out. And it will give me closure when I do finally move on to the next big thing.