A friend of mine was writing about how her husband wasn't carrying his weight when it came to taking care of their kids, and I felt inspired to show that not all guys are that insensitive. Here's what I scribed in her comment box:
Okay, from a guy's point of view (man, there are some angry wives out there) this was a totally unacceptable thing to do. And the excuses just make it worse.
I travel some and work more late nights than I like (and my wife works three days a week) but I really do try to spend time with the kids, give them baths, make dinner and do what I can to be a good Dad. (Today was a four-hour 'BIG EVENT' with three six-year old girls (Brownies) and one other parent who had her four-year old and her eight-month old with her. I spent part of my time with the girls, part of my time babysitting the two little ones and a glorious hour waiting in-line for food. Next year, we are packing lunch). Oh, I volunteered to go and was not drafted, forced or coerced. No 'deals' were made. It was my choice.
But that doesn't make me perfect and I know my wife could list too many times that I've acted or been a 'jerk' in her estimate of things. And let's face it, women and men are just two very different creatures when it comes to raising children. (This in not an excuse either). But I don't have much patience or understanding for any guy that would pick golf, or anything else, over his wife and kids. (Work is not included in this, because without it, most of us wouldn't eat).
It's funny that I wrote that thing about work because really, if it came down to it, despite the pressure and anxiety, I'd pick my family. Personally, I think this attitude hasn't really helped me terms of moving up the corporate ladder. In the last six years, I've had at least two bosses who really didn't seem to think that me taking helping out with the kids when they were sick was compatible with being a responsible manager. Personally, I disagree. I never let my family responsibilities stop me from getting my work done, and it's not like I needed to hold the hands of my co-workers. Well, who knows. The corporate world is a wacky place and playing the game just takes a lot to make it all work well. (And of course I'm sitting here at 2 am taking a break from doing work).
Speaking of which, it's time to get back to. Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Posted by robdesign at September 13, 2004 02:07 AMSanity.
I'm a single dad with all the perceived roles of a traditional mother. Try this, the difficulty to get support from my circle of female friends due to their prejudice towards men not doing their bit.
I am in the military and i deliberately put most of my career prospects on the back burner and I'm a seriously devoted dad. I have two small daughters 5 & 9. My problematic past with their biological mother & mom was solved with our seperation. I believe we were both equally victims of circumstance and she has much wisdom and words from her which will stick with me and guide me. Her truely wise words "She must be afforded the opportunity to share in the future abundance of happiness". I salute her for such insight and wisdom. This helps all and sundry to move on. We boys/men are not as tough as we profess we don't get over and on with life emotionally as quickly as we pretend,we know that our "keeping it together" charade ,our grieving and sense of loss is hidden under a very thin blanket.
I view all family members as important and deserves number one status in our lives. I believe that our children must never be second hand news or back ground noise. We are fundamentally all seeking the best for our family and kids.
Thank you for your courage in submitting your treasures of experience for my perusal often not what I wanted to hear. I sure need as much advice as I can get. I now know that many have walked this path and survived .
God helps all who seek grace. The watch he uses one cannot purchase without unconditional love. He indicates when the time is right .Please be patient and know that the creator has a good plan. After all he made you perfect in every way.
Sunny greetings from South Arica
Posted by: tony alberts at October 22, 2004 05:42 AM