Today was our first Father's Day without Dad. I think I tried hard not to think about the day too much before it got here and once it was here, I managed to stay busy enough with the kids and K, as not to dwell on what was missing from the day. Granted, it was mostly a phone call and the occasional remembered card (or the belated card) but still, despite my attempts to put it out of my mind, it certainly held some significance.
The morning started out bittersweet when the kids and K gave me a picture of the kids and I with Dad last winter. It was taken during our December visit when he and Mary Ann were in New York for his treatments at Memorial Sloan-Kettering. It was the first time I'd looked closely at a picture of him since he passed and it was harder than I expected. Fortunately, my family's hugs and attention were the perfect shield from the sadness. The feeling of loss is not gone but was blunted enough to move past it and truly be able to enjoy the day. Celebrating my most important job: Dad and Husband.
Dad and Husband. The hardest and most wonderful job in the world. Fraught with many challenges; careening through the obstacle course filled with dirty diapers, vomit on the walls, building sandcastles on the beach, managing your kid's t-ball team, everything and anything life has to offer also makes it the most incredibly rewarding experience in life. And, admittedly at times, the most frustrating.
This is what time teaches us. With every change, with every challenge you have a choice. You can quit the game and live your life under a protective shell like a turtle, moving slowly and letting life pass you by. (My apologies to the turtles of the world). Or, instead, you can learn to take the good with the bad, learn from every little moment; moving with the ebbs and flows that define the rhythm of our lives. Certainly their are paths along the way that guide and misguide, but each of those path's is filled with lessons that lead us back onto the main trail. No one can promise you that this is easy street, but it is certainly, in my mind, a road paved with many heartfelt rewards.
So on this Father's Day 2004, I look at the road I'm on and realize the many challenges that lay ahead as well as the many, many rewards. Each day bringing it's own challenges and knowing in my heart, that my father is there beside me, his lessons silently guiding and informing those experiences that come from my own choices. While my life goes on, his life continues through those who loved and cherished him. And that is the greatest Father's Day gift anyone can have.
Posted by robdesign at June 20, 2004 10:20 PMWhat a beautiful father's day gift to receieve from your family.
Remember, turtles are slow, but can also be considered very brave -- I came across this quote just yesterday:
Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
He may move slow, but he has to be courageous to move at all.
Posted by: gemini at June 21, 2004 07:34 AMMany people believe that death is an end. I believe the opposite. I think it is the beginning of something greater. Just because the world is absent of someone's physical presence does not mean it is absent of their spirit. I am glad you could spend such a beautiful Father's Day with you family and your father's memory.
Posted by: Fate's Fool at June 21, 2004 10:32 AMI thought of you yesterday and hope your day had some bright moments to it, all things considered. (My dad was also treated at Sloan-Kettering.)
Posted by: Cindy at June 21, 2004 11:59 AM