I tend to get more 'creative' as the night rolls on, and last night was no exception. Now, I'm going to say this, I want feedback on this. Good or bad, just make it constructive. I'm not a by-the-book, follow the damn rules kind of poet. I'm just a write what pops in my head and hope it sounds okay. So, to the literate jury out there in the blogoshere, I await your ruling.
Divided (a working title)
Step across the line
That divdes all time
From that which is real
And that which is not
Imagine your heart aflutter
Like the wings of a butterfly
Each beat a thing of beauty
With a shortened life span
In your dreams you turn to the blind
For directions to an invisible world
Where minds connect, searching
For something they seem to be missing
I will not leave you here alone
Reach out your hand to mine
Let us connect for all time
Hand in hand across the divide
Okay, that's it. If I had to be an English teacher, I guess I'd give it a C. Not great, not bad. Just there. Have a fine day.
1st stanza: Do you mean "divides all time _into_ ..."
2nd stanza: last line--perhaps change to "in a span of life so brief"
3rd and 4th stanzas: lovely
Posted by: dave at March 25, 2004 02:10 PM