I have to admit that I'm conflicted about this topic. My guess is that my Mother, a semi-retired mental health professional, would say that my anger is misplaced or at least I should show more sympathy for the person that has passed. Feel sorry that they weren't able to get help for the mental issues that drove them to an act of ending their life. But I can't totally do that. Because, despite my own familiarity with these issues, I can't help but also see this as a final, selfish expression geared at getting attention.
How else would you explain hanging yourself from a popular smoking tree, in front of student dorms, on the first day of the new semester, right around the time people are getting up and getting ready for their first day of classes? I have compassion, so I'm sorry that this person felt the need to do this but did h/she realize how much pain they've left behind or was that her/his plan all together? Those who get to read the note left behind might get more insight but still, a campus of caring people is left to pick up the pieces, feel horrible for not being able to do more to help this person—not that they really had a chance—and basically having to live with the memory of a young life lost.
Senseless. Much like the suicide of my best friend's father in college. Like the out-of-the-blue, as in no signs of depression, suicide of a co-worker's fiance a few years ago. Each of these acts had an impact on my life, but even more so they had lasting impact on the lives of those people closest to the victim. And that is the true cost of suicide and why I consider it to be a selfish act. The children left behind without a parent, the wife wiithout a husband and each of them, in their own way, saying 'What could we have done to save them?' And the answer, most likely, is nothing. That's the hard part and what most people will refuse to hear. Because, as humans, don't we believe in our power of compassion and understanding, our ability to be there for our friends in good times and bad. We believe in our ability to save those in trouble from themselves. Some of the time.
One is supposed to have respect for the dead. But how can I respect someone who's caused not only pain and sadness to people I don't know but too a good friend as well? This friend hardly knew you, but she is feeling the pain of your actions and for that, I'm pissed. How damn unfair is that? You didn't think about that before you grabbed the rope, did you? That there miight be honest to goodness, good-hearted people around that your actions would have an effect on. Well, guess what , you've made their lives a little sadder, a little harder and a bit more cynical. Nice job. You made your choice and with that choice, you took options away from the people around you. And what are they left with? G-d is stopping me from telling you off, sending you to wherever the next stop is from this place with a string of expletives as a rope back to reality. Well, it's like this. the reailty. Your dead. Sorry. Your choice. I'm alive. My friend is alive though sad and a little bit broken. (Actually, anyone who knew you or knew of you is a little bit broken.) But she, and they, will mend. It's damn sad that you couldn't give yourself the same chance.
I agree....I have always thought of suicide as a selfish thing....the ones left behind are the ones that hurt.
Posted by: Emily at March 23, 2004 07:00 PMLast try not to be lost in space. Rob, I do not recall that I ever agreed to assume the role of big "M" mother. Pretty daunting, and requiring a consult from Woodie Allen. I agree with you that suicide is a hostile act. Often against oneself and sometime focused on others, However, your musings make it almost a generic category. In my opnion, you are approaching this by using the lowest common denomoinator to events that are tangeled, complex and rarely simple. OK, suicide is generally a hostile act towards oneself or others, but not necessarily a cry for attention when someone is bereft of alterntives. I had nly one (21 year old) patient commit suicide and it still is in some eays an impenetrable mystery. Please do not give me credit for interpreting your writing. I would have been way off and focused more on your last entry as a plea for an insurance policy that would protect you from the inevitable losses inherent in all relationships. Mental health pros are quite ineffective at mind reading. We just learn to fake it until we live long enough to notice what most kids know and get with the program. Love, bb
Posted by: binnibieler at March 23, 2004 08:01 PM