Most of you know that my father is dying, and for the first time in many, many years I felt like writing a poem. Now I used to write poetry a lot but not knowing the rules of poetry writing, I never made it a career or anything. Anyhow, this morning, after the sun up I decided to write a poem about my Dad and how I'm handling it. Or not. So, this is my blog, my space and you can read it, ignore it, or just say nice job. Doesn't matter. Here it is.
Denial
I know that your are dying, yet I haven't shed a tear
Except, of course, at the end of Big Fish
And then I sobbed for a minute,
Picked myself up off the floor
And went to dinner
I don't talk about it
When the news is good, you are alive
I don't worry and it's out of my mind
When the news is bad
You have not much time left
I worry, I feel very sad
But yet, I still do not cry
As a kid, sorry to say
I'd cry at the drop of a hat
Really now, I hate to cry
I can only share what I feel
With strangers, rarely
I don't want to burden those
Closest to me
So, I wonder what your death will mean
Because I know that you are dying
And still I am not crying
I know it's about rationalizing
The inevitable end, so if I don't call
It's not because I think your dead
It's really because, I don't know
I don't want to know
Because I really know the answer
But not the time frame
And it's about control
And, maybe, not wanting to let go
Of the tears hiding behind my eyes
I'm sorry your dad is dying.And we all deal in different ways,this is just your way.
I'm sure he knows why....
Rob this poem made me cry, but we all know I am the emotional one....but it help me understand you just a little better...thank you..your big sis
Posted by: Deb at March 9, 2004 12:30 PMA good way for me to get some insight on how you're dealing with things....I love you.
Your baby sis
Posted by: Elizabeth at March 9, 2004 01:56 PMThis is about dad, Rob. You need to overcome your anxieties and give him the contact, love, and support he deserves. Remember, this is the man who woke up one rainy morning and rescued you from your paper route. As I recall he found you huddled in a doorway and brought you home soaking wet. That you choose to share your burdens with strangers is sad. It leaves us feeling abandoned and also very worried about your isolation. Please do the right thing even though it will be hard and painful. I worry that your current course will leave you with some regrets. I love you, son, but you seem unreachable to me. Love, mom