This has been a useless week for me. I'm not sure what it is, but I am not motivated, I feel like I'm getting nothing done, or at most I'm struggling to start projects I should be finishing. And I can't seem to shake it off. Now, I usually don't go public with these feelings, but I figure if I share, maybe someone (if there is anyone) might have some positive suggestions.
I'm too old for a pity party and don't really want one. And I sense that I'm struggling with either too many choices or not enough human interaction beyond e-mail or phone calls. All my co-workers are in NY (Long story, but I'm the last person of our original marketing team in B'more. And the group I work for now are all in NY...didn't move because they didn't ask and probably wouldn't pay me what I want to live there) and while I have a lovely view of the Harbor, a great collection of ITunes, the silence can sometimes be overwhelming.
I also know that I started 'feeling' this way after my sister's report of their visit with Dad, the chemo is working but he's also losing weight and as expected, losing hair. I think I had half convinced myself that he'd live through this but their report brought home that fact that he is dying and it's only a question of when. And, being the strangely ;absent-minded control freak I am, not knowing when, not having any damn control really pisses me off.
Ok, I'm done for now. Thanks to ispy for the inspiration to get this rant out on virtual paper.
Posted by robdesign at February 19, 2004 05:37 PMit feels good to share a little now and again, huh? esp. when you have tough stuff to balance. glad I motivated you to do something to fight back against the silence and struggles. sending smiles and strength right back at ya.
Posted by: kelly at February 19, 2004 08:14 PMRob, I know exactly how you're feeling. The trick is to find some other outlet you can use to recharge. Why do you think I spend so much time with a hammer and nails?
Posted by: bill at February 20, 2004 11:06 AMI think journaling is a wonderful answer to these feelings. Another thing I have started doing is actually writing letters. Let me re-state that, I create cards on my computer using photographs I have taken, then write a letter and print it out. Maybe if you wrote letters to your father. Talk about moments you remember fondly. (I have been writing about my father to my niece who never got a chance to meet him.) Your father would probably enjoy the mail, and the fond memories. It might be a healing experience for you to communicate your love to him. Puts you back into some sense of control.
{Sending hugs your way, I know it is hard to watch someone you love slide away.}